The Feet of God

117 - AN ILL WIND BLOWS

So I went to Juno Beach to soak up some rays after a night of heavy swampin’.  I hid behind some rocks and shed my clothes.  I am nothing, if not discreet.  I was pleased how my body had survived after so many recent misfortunes and miseries.  Everything seemed mostly fine now, I think, except maybe my inside thighs was embarrassingly bluish white.

I made myself a hand-rolled wonder, compliments of Acorn, and I luxuriated in my nakedness and my secluded spot in the sun.  Fuck.  I just realized, I forgot to pick up a six-pack.  I just hate it when I forget shit like that.

In my nude state I wondered what hijinks Little Billy was up to…then I dozed off….

I don’t remember any demon dreams, but I woke up with a lobster-red sunburn.  It was time to pack up.  So I gingerly put on my clothes and headed back to the matinee at The Rusty Trumpet.  But I had major munchies, so I first stopped off at McDonald’s for a Big Mac, large fries and a Diet Coke.

It was late afternoon at the bar, and Jar-Boy was still working.  A lot of the regulars was hanging out as usual.  I ordered a Wild Turkey with a water back.  Jar-Boy told me this was considered an insult to a real bartender, because it means you think they don’t pour you a fair shot of whisky and you want it measured out.  I never thought of that disrespect before.

Crap, She-Bear was back in the bar and in fine form.  You could hear her voice at the farthest end of the bar, bellowing at Skipper, “Hah-hah-hah!  Ya fuckin’ moron!”

Then Sea Bass pulled up a stool and tested Jar-Boy’s wits how a football game can end 1-0.  Jar-Boy said that’s impossible, the lowest point score was two points for a safety.  Sea Bass said he was wrong, and called him out.  And they placed their bets.  Sea Bass explained if a football team forfeits a game, it goes into the record books as a 1-0 score.

I had to agree with Sea Bass.  “Jar-Boy, he’s right,” I said.

I never saw Jar-Boy so mad.  He raised a fist and shouted, “’Nuff!”  Then he stormed away.  I am thankful he never directed the power of his considerable bulk and anger at my innocent presence.

Jar-Boy’s bad mood persisted as I heard him get pissed off at Sputnik for using big words and talking too fast.  Sputnik’s wheelchair spun round and round.

Then the shift changed, and the Queen Bee appeared.  Sandi Dollar was dressed in moss green today.  She smiled at her customers, and Jar-Boy took off on one of his mysterious leaves.

I ordered another Wild Turkey and chitchatted with Sandi.  Or it might be more accurate to say, Sandi chatted at me.  She went on and on about this Madama Krupskaya person, the scary woman in all black from the séance a few nights before.  Sandi said she had revelations.

“Really?” I said.  “What’d she reveal to you?”

“Well,” Sandi put her finger to cheek, “Madama Krupskaya says we remember the past, we dream of the future, but we always live in the now.  We will die in a now moment.  So in a sense, we are already dead, just not now.”

“Yeah?”

“Isn’t that deep?”

I had no idea what she was talking about.  I thought I would lighten things up a bit.  “Well, I hope to leave ‘em laughin’.  But that don’t mean I wanna drop dead naked.”

Sandi rolled her eyes, and I think my joke just fell flat.  So I decided to change course.  “So, what’s all the stored honey about?”

Sandi’s eyes crossed.  “Can’t.  Talk.  About.  It.”  She walked away.

Well that suited me just fine.  I was content to sip my premium whisky, and sit quietly at the bar not giving a shit about nothin’.

Then Joe Jack busted in.  “What has two thumbs, speaks French, and loves big tits?”

Sandi put a finger to her lips, eyes circling.  “What?”

He pointed to himself with two outstretched thumbs, “Moi.”

They collapsed into fits of giggles.

“Okay, okay, one more,” laughed Joe Jack.  “What did one old fart say to the other old fart?”  He waited a beat then dropped his punchline, “Who farted?”

I was more attentive to the sudden loud clap of thunder outside.  Boo the bar cat must’a been scared, because he scrammed for an open window.

Then I noticed a shadowy gray form standing alone in the doorway.  I think it was a man.

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