The Feet of God

82 - PURE CORNBALL

Mr. Harry turned and caught the mime making fun of him. “Beat it,” he tried whacking at the dude who proceeded to dance away into the shadows.

Just then I noticed strings of lights lighting up the grounds of the Cirque De Bizarro, and circus music was piped into the air all around.  “Now what?” I asked Mr. Harry.

“Well, Scaly my friend, you don’t exactly have an act and, technically, you’re not a legitimate freak or at least not permanently freakish, so all you have to do is walk among the rubes and entertain them.  You know, scare the holy shit out of ‘em.  They’ll love it.”

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with being a Lizard Man.  I mean, what is my motivation?”

“Are you kidding me?  Who cares?  Come on, I wanna give you another spritz of color, and maybe some glitter to make you sparkle better under the lights.”

“Hey,” I protested, “I already itch an’ burn an’ feel pretty rotten in general.  Do you really think that paint and glitter on scabby, runny, flaky skin is gonna promote healing?”

“Who cares?” He pushed me toward the makeup trailer.

By mid-evening the crowds had begun to show and the show had begun.  A huge tent was partitioned off into smaller spaces and made a circle of about a dozen rooms around the edge.  To go from room to room to see the different acts the paying customers had to pony-up a buck per room.  Meanwhile, in the center ring, the grand impresario himself was done up in top hat and tails, his bare ripped chest flashing from under his tux.  The Amazing Stumppo introduced the freak show’s stars.  Behind him was Bobo the Magnificent on top of a brightly painted wooden ball.  The mime followed Bobo and pretended to balance on nothing.

Stumppo held up a whip in one hand and his top hat in the other, and gave a deep bow.  “Ladies and gentlemen, and curious of all ages, we present to you tonight, from the far corners of the world, an amazing, astonishing, astounding array of performers!  Behold, the theatrical magic of the Cirque De Bizarro!”

The audience of hicks applauded enthusiastically.

“First allow me to introduce,” and he spun to point his whip at a flap that had suddenly been lit by a spotlight, “Pyro-Tina!”

The flap flew apart and out stepped Pyro-Tina in a dazzling tight, red-sequined gown, holding a flaming rod which was thrown back dramatically and then swallowed slowly (well, a lot slower than one would think wise for a person to do with any object on fire, if one was determined to swallow such a thing at all).  When Pyro-Tina extracted the extinguished rod, a blast of horns rose up and the fire-eater ran behind a tent flap.

Suddenly the spotlight moved to another flap along the wall and Stumppo shouted, “Now it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to Twisted Trixie and Mr. Big Stuff!”

Out stepped the couple and Twisted Trixie quickly climbed atop her muscleman, sittin’ on his wide shoulders while she bent her limbs into an amazing shape and settled herself on his head like a hat.  Again the horns blasted, and they disappeared.

While Stumppo continued to introduce the performing artists, I headed into the crowd as Scaly the Lizard Man.  I got behind some boxes and hid, and when some yokels passed by I’d jump out and give ‘em a big ol’ toothy snarl and hiss (channeling my best, inner reptile).  They happily forked over money for the pleasure of taking their picture with a practically nude monster hissing at them.  I also kept an eye out for dropped dollars, and actually found a few.  I stuffed the bills into my loincloth since it was all I had.  This was turning out to be the best job I ever had.  Any freak alive would kill to get in on this action.  I felt blessed.

The spotlight fell on the largest flap in the tent, and a drumroll thundered loudly through the loudspeakers.  Stumppo gazed over the audience, then shouted:  “Ladies and gentlemen, freaks of all ages, the 8th and 9th wonders of the unnatural world:  The Kennedy Sisters!”

The music swelled and swelled, but the two-headed lady act did not bust out from behind the canvas on cue.  Instead, there was a very long and odd delay.  Finally, Cathy appeared under the light dragging along an unconscious Patti.

The music stopped.